About 2 months ago (I think) I faced a major turning point in my life. I had just arrived home and after months of ignoring where God was in fact leading me..I was overcome with a feeling of absolute brokenness...with my face literally on the ground (yes, my girls were confused-;-) ) I cried out to the Lord to take over and lead me. I was terrified and exposed. Yet, He met me where I was at and when I listened, He gave me the words to bring this study (the one that I am working on) to life. Yet, over time, my humanness has gotten in the way. Feelings of inadequacy have crept in and completely derailed me. Truth is, I am a runner (not in the fitness sort of way-that would be nice though-lol!) I am a runner in the aspect that when I feel like I can't do something well or I when I feel like I might get hurt.....I head for high ground. I simply shut down and run away. I have been honest about this journey that I feel so inadequate and unworthy of this task. I have insisted with hands raised, you have got the wrong gal!! I mean by the time I sit down to write my brain is mush. I think I look something like this....ha! I am ready to do my best work Lord ;-)
I am so glad that He is writing my story and not me! Tonight for the fist time in a couple of weeks, I sat down for a moment to hear Him. I have made some progress with the study, but I have found myself going back to piece in missing content. I have been trying to think of a story to tie in the first lesson of the study and it has not been a piece of cake by any means. Finally, I sat down tonight with a pen and paper in hand. I thought of the story of Zacchaeus and a light bulb went off. That's it! That's my starting point! After jotting down some ideas that came to mind, I grabbed my Bible to find the story of Zacchaus. Yes, I know the story well, but couldn't remember where it was in the Bible- imperfection at its finest- ha!
I flipped through my Bible's table of contents- nope not there
Flipped through the New Testament- nope not there
Feeling a little frustrated...
I turned my Bible to the Old Testament and my Bible opened to this:
A Sunday School paper on Zacchaeus that my 2 year old had brought home. I have no idea when she gave me this, but it was tucked away for this very moment.
It was this simple moment that my jaw dropped in absolute reverence. He is still reaching for me. I was reminded tonight that I am on the right track. I realize that it's okay that I am not the most talented writer..Although that would be nice;-)
biblical scholar, super mom or any other perfect specimen that I compare myself to. God wants me not in perfection. I encourage you that if you are feeling His gentle whispers....His prodding on your spirit to stop and listen. He is calling you to Him for a divine purpose.
xo,
Sarah
